(Via Angela Rey)
my ascent to a humanist perspective has been a very slow and painful journey. raised independent fundamentalist baptist (IFB), i very deeply believed in heaven, hell, jesus, literal creation, virgin birth… if it was in the christian scripture, i soaked it in. i was baptized at 7, led my first convert to christ at 10, and attended bible college at 18.
after bible college, it made sense to me to learn about scriptures from the jewish perspective; so i enrolled in the judaic studies program at UCF.
to avoid deceit, i must confess that a big part of the draw was to learn how to better convert jews. don’t listen to what other evangelicals may tell you, we totally get extra points for the chosen people.
instead of finding a community of people lost and empty in their own self-deceit, everyone seemed totally normal. what’s more, a lot of them were atheists, and no one seemed to have a problem with that.
i had been brought up to believe that “humanists” and “atheists” were under literal demonic influence and part of a vast evil plot by satan to destroy humanity.
imagine my surprise when the exorcisms failed.
so i’ll spare you the details of my lengthy discussions with professors, rabbis, pastors, physicists, and my cosmically important friendship with a reformed jew turned atheist.
intellectually, the evidence was clear. A fundamentalist view of the world stops working the minute you look beyond the few resources approved by your tiny sect.
emotionally, this was all very hard to accept. in order to give myself the freedom to objectively assess the situation, i had to take the chance that this was all some elaborate scheme of satan’s to deceive me.
in the end, it seemed to me that a religion worth believing in should stand up to a little objective scrutiny.
from beginning to end, it took me 5 years to drag myself out of fundamentalism completely… and another 2 years to tell anyone about it.
i was 27 when my mother found out. she cried, fumed, prayed, and kept my atheism as her shameful secret. i led a double life to save face for her.
the election in November changed everything. for the first time in a long time, i cared about something. i liked that feeling and decided it shouldn’t stop.
i refuse to feel like an outcast because i’m no longer religious, and i refuse to be quiet about gay rights, stem cell research, evolution, abortion, or anything else i’m passionate about because it may offend someone else’s beliefs.
it seems to me that there’s some unspoken rule i had agreed to. that because i don’t have a g-d or imaginary elf associated with my beliefs, they’re somehow less important. that’s simply not true.
i do not need a g-d to validate me. i do not need a hell to scare me into being a good person. i handle that all on my own. i’m out, and i’m proud.
Hi Angela,
Very well put and a really interesting history. I hope it's OK that I quoted you at length for my blog <a href="http://www.sarahtrachtenberg.com,” target=”_blank”>www.sarahtrachtenberg.com, Not My God.
Posted by Sarah Trachtenberg | June 4, 2009, 2:43 pmIt's hilarious that the people who don't believe in the invisible man in the sky are the outcasts. I truely loved your tale.
Posted by Marshall | June 10, 2009, 3:24 amI am writing this post to all atheists who have a vested interest in debunking the myth of Jesus Christ. I am sorry if it bothers anyone that I am not continue the discussions that are going on your blog. Please contact me at the email address below and I promise I will never post on your blog again.
Here's what's up. A number of fundamentalist Christian blogs have come out swinging against a new book by Stephan Huller called the Real Messiah. The most recent being:
http://atheistwatch.blogspot.com/
But there are many others. The only allies he seems to have on the web are a bunch of Jewish bloggers who like him because his mother was a Frankist (see wikipedia for more about this sect).
In any event Huller's book presents evidence that a two thousand year old throne in Venice proves that Jesus was not and never claimed to be the messiah.
Huller is going to appear on CNN in two weeks as part of his promotion of the book. As a big fan of his work I wanted to alert my fellow bloggers about this interview and have as many of us who have read the book to direct questions which challenge the existence of God and the whole Christian-fascist paradigm.
If you are interested in getting more information about his appearance please contact me at mastersonstuart@yahoo.com. If you haven't read the book here is a blog posting to familiarize yourself with his basic points when you do the phone in show:
http://therealmessiahbook.blogspot.com
Thanks again
Stuart
Posted by stuart | July 13, 2009, 2:55 am"…A fundamentalist view of the world stops working the minute you look beyond the few resources approved by your tiny sect."
Every once in a while I come across a phrase or sentence that makes a point so well…this is one of them. A very interesting and insightful story.
Thanks Angela.
Posted by Nate Phelps | August 11, 2009, 9:14 pmHey, Angela, it's me Ben. Enjoyed your post, and I'm thrilled that you're happy now. :)
Posted by Ben Gras | October 6, 2010, 5:22 amGirl, I felt as though I had written those very words! This 100% mirrors my feelings on the matter. Brava!!!
Posted by Maria | March 15, 2011, 4:14 pm